It's nearly a year since my last update but we've been as busy as ever! We were approved as foster carers in December and have had two placements since then, both under two years old. It's been emotionally and physically hard work, but we've loved every minute, and it's made us even more convinced that we want to start a family of our own, although we know that we will want to continue fostering alongside.
We still want to go abroad for fertility treatment, and will be adopting (the use of the term in this context is a bit controversial but it's how we feel about it) a frozen embryo. We've had our first consultation with the clinic and it's now our decision when we want to proceed. Nicky's started taking pre-pregnancy vitamins and is on a mission to get as fit and healthy as possible before we go ahead. It's all very exciting!
Tuesday 13 August 2013
Monday 10 September 2012
I can't believe it's been so long since I last updated the blog, but so much has happened!
Shortly after the last blog post, Nicky and I decided to look into foster caring. It's something that's been in the back of my mind for years, but it's never been the right time to think about it seriously. We talked it through, and it felt like a good option for us - I'd been considering a change in career for a while but we couldn't afford for me to go back to uni to retrain, I wanted to have a job where I was really making a difference, and because we still very much want our own children, we wanted a financial situation where at least one of us was able to be at home full time. After having a couple of telephone conversations and one 3-hour home visit with the fostering team at our local council (where we asked a LOT of questions), we realised that it would be perfect for us.
Things started moving quite quickly from that point - within a month we were starting the 6-week 'Skills to Foster' training course, we met our social worker, and we're now halfway through the assessment process. Our social worker says that with the lifestyle and routine we live now, it's almost like we have children already so they'll fit right in! We've applied to foster up to three siblings between 0-8 years, but our social worker has mostly been focussing on newborns during our discussions, so we'll see what happens. Everyone has been very positive throughout the process, and our families couldn't be more supportive of our decision.
At the moment we're looking at going to panel in December, so we may have a child/children with us for Christmas!
The other major piece of news is that Nicky and I got married! We've now been married just over 3 weeks, and it's amazing. We couldn't have had a more perfect day, everyone was so lovely and it all ran smoothly.
As we had such a big holiday earlier in the year when we went to Japan, China and Canada, we decided to take the dog and go on a short break to the Isle of Wight for our honeymoon. It was definitely the right choice, so restful - exactly what we needed after our stressful year! We rented a wooden hut at the bottom of someone's garden, which had free range ex-battery chickens roaming around and backed onto open fields. We went on long walks, had cream teas, explored little towns and had fish and chips on the beach! Both we and Milly thoroughly enjoyed ourselves!
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Shortly after the last blog post, Nicky and I decided to look into foster caring. It's something that's been in the back of my mind for years, but it's never been the right time to think about it seriously. We talked it through, and it felt like a good option for us - I'd been considering a change in career for a while but we couldn't afford for me to go back to uni to retrain, I wanted to have a job where I was really making a difference, and because we still very much want our own children, we wanted a financial situation where at least one of us was able to be at home full time. After having a couple of telephone conversations and one 3-hour home visit with the fostering team at our local council (where we asked a LOT of questions), we realised that it would be perfect for us.
Things started moving quite quickly from that point - within a month we were starting the 6-week 'Skills to Foster' training course, we met our social worker, and we're now halfway through the assessment process. Our social worker says that with the lifestyle and routine we live now, it's almost like we have children already so they'll fit right in! We've applied to foster up to three siblings between 0-8 years, but our social worker has mostly been focussing on newborns during our discussions, so we'll see what happens. Everyone has been very positive throughout the process, and our families couldn't be more supportive of our decision.
At the moment we're looking at going to panel in December, so we may have a child/children with us for Christmas!
The other major piece of news is that Nicky and I got married! We've now been married just over 3 weeks, and it's amazing. We couldn't have had a more perfect day, everyone was so lovely and it all ran smoothly.
As we had such a big holiday earlier in the year when we went to Japan, China and Canada, we decided to take the dog and go on a short break to the Isle of Wight for our honeymoon. It was definitely the right choice, so restful - exactly what we needed after our stressful year! We rented a wooden hut at the bottom of someone's garden, which had free range ex-battery chickens roaming around and backed onto open fields. We went on long walks, had cream teas, explored little towns and had fish and chips on the beach! Both we and Milly thoroughly enjoyed ourselves!
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Tuesday 1 May 2012
So much to do!
We've been home for a couple of weeks now, after our round the world trip. It was absolutely amazing! We had so many wonderful experiences, and I can definitely see us going back to Japan and China again, although I don't think I would fly round the world again - just too much time (about 40 hours) in the air! Skiing with my family in Canada was great fun too - it was Nicky's first time on the slopes and she did so well, I'm looking forward to going again together.
Now we're back, we're getting into full-on wedding planning mode as there's still so much to organise. We recently made the massive decision to slash the original budget in half (or less) and change the whole reception idea, so that we wouldn't have to rely on anyone else to fund it for us. My dad was really supportive and lovely offering to pay, but trying to keep three sets of parents happy (my parents have both remarried, and Nicky only has her mum) was proving to be extremely difficult and stressful. It's much better this way.
Rather than the fancy medieval hall we had originally booked for the reception, we're now looking at village/church/community halls which we can decorate (and potentially cater) ourselves. My mum has got quite excited about this (she's still not going to attend the ceremony but has decided to come to the reception to show her love and support,) and is spending rainy afternoons sewing bunting! It fits our personalities and lifestyle, as we are not big spenders naturally, and would much prefer to go scouting round charity shops looking for quirky things to decorate with than buy some fancy coordinating table centres for example.
We're keeping our original date in August and ceremony location etc. as the registrar is booked, which only gives us about 3.5 months to sort out everything else! It's a good job we like a challenge!
Funding wise, we're considering getting a bank loan to cover not only the wedding (hence the desire to keep it as low-cost as possible), but also the travel and clinic fees of going to Spain for embryo adoption, which we're hoping to do within the next year and a half.
We've got a lot of work ahead, but it seems to be all coming together!
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Now we're back, we're getting into full-on wedding planning mode as there's still so much to organise. We recently made the massive decision to slash the original budget in half (or less) and change the whole reception idea, so that we wouldn't have to rely on anyone else to fund it for us. My dad was really supportive and lovely offering to pay, but trying to keep three sets of parents happy (my parents have both remarried, and Nicky only has her mum) was proving to be extremely difficult and stressful. It's much better this way.
Rather than the fancy medieval hall we had originally booked for the reception, we're now looking at village/church/community halls which we can decorate (and potentially cater) ourselves. My mum has got quite excited about this (she's still not going to attend the ceremony but has decided to come to the reception to show her love and support,) and is spending rainy afternoons sewing bunting! It fits our personalities and lifestyle, as we are not big spenders naturally, and would much prefer to go scouting round charity shops looking for quirky things to decorate with than buy some fancy coordinating table centres for example.
We're keeping our original date in August and ceremony location etc. as the registrar is booked, which only gives us about 3.5 months to sort out everything else! It's a good job we like a challenge!
Funding wise, we're considering getting a bank loan to cover not only the wedding (hence the desire to keep it as low-cost as possible), but also the travel and clinic fees of going to Spain for embryo adoption, which we're hoping to do within the next year and a half.
We've got a lot of work ahead, but it seems to be all coming together!
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Thursday 1 March 2012
Reactions
I just wanted to do a post about the different reactions Nicky and I have had from our mothers.
Nicky's mum had possibly the worst reaction to Nicky coming out 3 years ago that you can imagine, without actually disowning her. She spent pretty much a full year emotionally blackmailing Nicky, telling her that she had "ruined her life" etc. which didn't make for a very happy time for any of us. She's Catholic and works in a small Catholic school where everyone knows everyone else's business. She was really worried that her co-workers would find out that she has a lesbian daughter. Now however, she is possibly more excited about our wedding than we are, she's told all her friends, she bought Nicky's dress, and this morning said to me, when a story about triplets came on the news "see, this is why you and Nicky should have IVF - you could have triplets!"
My mum on the other hand was very supportive when I came out ten years ago, has always been willing to talk about me being lesbian, met my ex and loves Nicky. She and my step-dad helped us to house hunt when we moved in August, rented a van and helped us move on the day, gave us some furniture, and even entrusted us with one of their dogs (Milly was theirs) which is a pretty long-term commitment for a couple. Now however, she has told us that she can't come to our wedding because she doesn't agree with it. She's Christian (so are we, but that's another story) but we're having a civil partnership ceremony, not a church wedding, so I don't know what the problem is. She hasn't mentioned it since we told her in December, and has only been to visit twice, when before we got engaged she used to visit weekly.
My gran has also told us that she's not coming. We're not sure about my mum's sisters and their families, but it could be that we have a wedding that is almost exclusively attended by friends not family on my side, apart from my Dad, step-mum, little brother and sisters.
It's not a generational or age thing - my mum is in her 40s and Nicky's mum is in her 50s. Nicky's taken it pretty personally as she thought she and my mum had a great relationship and apparently now she's not good enough just because she doesn't have a penis.
We don't know how to move forward from here - we don't want to lose them from our lives, but equally if they're not going to recognise our relationship, especially after we have kids, it will be a problem. We never ever want to be in the situation where we're out with the kids and get introduced as each other's "friend". They'll all get Save the Date cards and invitations, so we'll see what happens. Hopefully they'll have a change of heart and will see Nicky for the wonderful woman and partner that she is, and how much I love her, regardless of her gender.
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Nicky's mum had possibly the worst reaction to Nicky coming out 3 years ago that you can imagine, without actually disowning her. She spent pretty much a full year emotionally blackmailing Nicky, telling her that she had "ruined her life" etc. which didn't make for a very happy time for any of us. She's Catholic and works in a small Catholic school where everyone knows everyone else's business. She was really worried that her co-workers would find out that she has a lesbian daughter. Now however, she is possibly more excited about our wedding than we are, she's told all her friends, she bought Nicky's dress, and this morning said to me, when a story about triplets came on the news "see, this is why you and Nicky should have IVF - you could have triplets!"
My mum on the other hand was very supportive when I came out ten years ago, has always been willing to talk about me being lesbian, met my ex and loves Nicky. She and my step-dad helped us to house hunt when we moved in August, rented a van and helped us move on the day, gave us some furniture, and even entrusted us with one of their dogs (Milly was theirs) which is a pretty long-term commitment for a couple. Now however, she has told us that she can't come to our wedding because she doesn't agree with it. She's Christian (so are we, but that's another story) but we're having a civil partnership ceremony, not a church wedding, so I don't know what the problem is. She hasn't mentioned it since we told her in December, and has only been to visit twice, when before we got engaged she used to visit weekly.
My gran has also told us that she's not coming. We're not sure about my mum's sisters and their families, but it could be that we have a wedding that is almost exclusively attended by friends not family on my side, apart from my Dad, step-mum, little brother and sisters.
It's not a generational or age thing - my mum is in her 40s and Nicky's mum is in her 50s. Nicky's taken it pretty personally as she thought she and my mum had a great relationship and apparently now she's not good enough just because she doesn't have a penis.
We don't know how to move forward from here - we don't want to lose them from our lives, but equally if they're not going to recognise our relationship, especially after we have kids, it will be a problem. We never ever want to be in the situation where we're out with the kids and get introduced as each other's "friend". They'll all get Save the Date cards and invitations, so we'll see what happens. Hopefully they'll have a change of heart and will see Nicky for the wonderful woman and partner that she is, and how much I love her, regardless of her gender.
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Wednesday 29 February 2012
Planning, planning, planning
Nicky had her two grown-up bridesmaids and her mum to stay last weekend, and they went shopping for Nicky's wedding dress! One bridesmaid's boyfriend came too, to keep me company. We went into town, drank ale and watched a bit of the rugby, which was so much more fun than looking at dresses!
In wedding-related planning so far, we've:
- picked our best man, bridesmaids and ushers
- booked the venue (ceremony and reception)
- booked the wine merchant
- bought the dress! (Nicky and co. came home on Saturday with a big white dress bag that I'm not allowed to look in!)
- chosen the tailor for the best man, ushers and me
- booked the flowers
- had the save the date cards designed (they're at the printers now!)
- pre-reserved hotel rooms nearby
- chosen a theme and colour scheme (our theme is board games! Colours are dark red and teal)
- arranged a room for an evening get together
- rang round a million caterers and photographers for quotes (decisions need to be made ASAP!)
It's not going too badly so far - only 5.5 months to go!
In wedding-related planning so far, we've:
- picked our best man, bridesmaids and ushers
- booked the venue (ceremony and reception)
- booked the wine merchant
- bought the dress! (Nicky and co. came home on Saturday with a big white dress bag that I'm not allowed to look in!)
- chosen the tailor for the best man, ushers and me
- booked the flowers
- had the save the date cards designed (they're at the printers now!)
- pre-reserved hotel rooms nearby
- chosen a theme and colour scheme (our theme is board games! Colours are dark red and teal)
- arranged a room for an evening get together
- rang round a million caterers and photographers for quotes (decisions need to be made ASAP!)
It's not going too badly so far - only 5.5 months to go!
Sunday 12 February 2012
A blog of her own
We're really pleased with Milly's progress over the last six weeks, she's like a completely different dog! She no longer gulps her food, pulls on the lead, whines when one of us leaves the room or chews anything she's not supposed to. We have discovered a few things that are perfect for her incredibly strong chewing jaws - the Bionic Bone (purchased in Vancouver on our Christmas holiday), the Kong Extreme, and our most recent discovery - Stag Bars made of antler!
We couldn't imagine life without her now, and we feel so guilty that we're going away and leaving her for 2.5 weeks when we go to Japan! The holiday was already arranged when we agreed to take Milly on, and we've spent the last six weeks discussing options for her as we don't want to put her into kennels. One of our friends has kindly agreed to come and stay at our house with her for the first week or so, and after that we will need to employ a house sitter or arrange for Milly to go to one of the local home boarding services. It's stressful trying to find the right fit for her!
My mum who had Milly before we did gave me a diary that she had written of all the funny things Milly did, and we've decided to carry it on. I've started a blog, and am typing up mum's old entries before starting on our new ones. She's done plenty to write about already since she's been with us!
You can read Milly's blog here - I've got quite a lot of old entries still to type up!
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We couldn't imagine life without her now, and we feel so guilty that we're going away and leaving her for 2.5 weeks when we go to Japan! The holiday was already arranged when we agreed to take Milly on, and we've spent the last six weeks discussing options for her as we don't want to put her into kennels. One of our friends has kindly agreed to come and stay at our house with her for the first week or so, and after that we will need to employ a house sitter or arrange for Milly to go to one of the local home boarding services. It's stressful trying to find the right fit for her!
My mum who had Milly before we did gave me a diary that she had written of all the funny things Milly did, and we've decided to carry it on. I've started a blog, and am typing up mum's old entries before starting on our new ones. She's done plenty to write about already since she's been with us!
You can read Milly's blog here - I've got quite a lot of old entries still to type up!
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Saturday 11 February 2012
Challenges!
I don't think I've mentioned this here yet, but Nicky and I are going on a round the world trip in a mere 6 weeks' time! My best friend Greg (who is also the best man at our wedding) is getting married at the end of March in Nagoya, Japan. It took a LOT of research and working out, but we eventually got a travel agent to work with us on producing a round the world plan to include both Japan and Canada, so that we could combine the wedding trip with a visit to my Dad and his family on Vancouver Island. We will fly direct to Tokyo, spend a few days exploring there, take the bullet train to Nagoya for the wedding, fly to Shanghai for a touristy two days, and then spend a week in Canada skiing with dad before flying back to the UK via Los Angeles. We can't wait, it's going to be amazing!
Plus, as though going on a round the world trip the same year that we're getting married wasn't enough, we've also now moved the wedding date four months forward, from December to August! Challenging! Essentially, Dad and Sue had looked into flights and accommodation for the five of them to come over for our previously planned date in December, and found that it would cost almost as much as the wedding. As they are helping us out, we thought it would be only fair to try and move the wedding to a date that would be better for them financially. It had to be in the school holidays because of the children, and we didn't want to postpone it until Spring 2013, so we called the venue to check their availability for the summer. It turned out that they only had two Saturdays free between June and September, so August it was! It couldn't have worked out any better really, as the Registrar had had a cancellation for our exact wedding date, and our preferred florist also only had that exact date free for the whole summer! There have been so many coincidences, we think it was just meant to be.
Basically, our every spare waking minute at the moment is spent researching some aspect of either our Japanadian Extravaganza or the wedding, but thankfully Nicky has created a very organised folder for each to keep us in check!
Here's a gratuitous photo of Milly with a dog chew shaped like a toothbrush. Look at that adorable scrunchy cheek!
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Plus, as though going on a round the world trip the same year that we're getting married wasn't enough, we've also now moved the wedding date four months forward, from December to August! Challenging! Essentially, Dad and Sue had looked into flights and accommodation for the five of them to come over for our previously planned date in December, and found that it would cost almost as much as the wedding. As they are helping us out, we thought it would be only fair to try and move the wedding to a date that would be better for them financially. It had to be in the school holidays because of the children, and we didn't want to postpone it until Spring 2013, so we called the venue to check their availability for the summer. It turned out that they only had two Saturdays free between June and September, so August it was! It couldn't have worked out any better really, as the Registrar had had a cancellation for our exact wedding date, and our preferred florist also only had that exact date free for the whole summer! There have been so many coincidences, we think it was just meant to be.
Basically, our every spare waking minute at the moment is spent researching some aspect of either our Japanadian Extravaganza or the wedding, but thankfully Nicky has created a very organised folder for each to keep us in check!
Here's a gratuitous photo of Milly with a dog chew shaped like a toothbrush. Look at that adorable scrunchy cheek!
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Thursday 19 January 2012
My secret
So, two posts ago when I was talking about having to save up to buy an engagement ring for Nicky, I wasn't being entirely truthful...
I'd already bought one!
Yes, I'd been planning the proposal since March, I bought the ring in October, and I finally proposed in December, as planned, on a beautifully bright sunny day (I didn't plan for the weather but it cooperated!) on top of Grouse Mountain in Vancouver.
We went to Grouse Mountain together in October 2010, and Nicky hasn't stopped talking about how wonderful it was, how beautiful the views were and how it was her absolute favourite place on earth. How could I have proposed anywhere else?
It wasn't perfect, but it was. There were loads of people around, skiers prevented us getting to see the view I wanted, I was apparently getting green with nerves, and there was no dropping to one knee in the snow, but there was a whole lot of love and I managed to get the words out eventually. Thankfully she said yes!
(The ring is on the wrong finger in the next photo as it was a size too big and we didn't want to lose it!)
Nicky's mum (who was on holiday with us and was in on the secret) was thrilled and after we'd all shed a few happy tears (and had been to the Capilano Suspension bridge on the way back into the city) she took us for a celebratory meal at the spaghetti factory.
Strangely (and I only know this from the daisypath counter on this blog) the day we got engaged, we had been together exactly 3 years, 3 months, 3 weeks and 3 days! Completely unplanned, but quite cool!
A few days later we came across two huge engagement rings (I think it must be an art installation but I haven't actually looked it up!) in English Bay, and asked Angela to take our photo under them. This is going to be on our save the date cards.
Roll on December 2012!
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I'd already bought one!
Yes, I'd been planning the proposal since March, I bought the ring in October, and I finally proposed in December, as planned, on a beautifully bright sunny day (I didn't plan for the weather but it cooperated!) on top of Grouse Mountain in Vancouver.
We went to Grouse Mountain together in October 2010, and Nicky hasn't stopped talking about how wonderful it was, how beautiful the views were and how it was her absolute favourite place on earth. How could I have proposed anywhere else?
It wasn't perfect, but it was. There were loads of people around, skiers prevented us getting to see the view I wanted, I was apparently getting green with nerves, and there was no dropping to one knee in the snow, but there was a whole lot of love and I managed to get the words out eventually. Thankfully she said yes!
(The ring is on the wrong finger in the next photo as it was a size too big and we didn't want to lose it!)
Nicky's mum (who was on holiday with us and was in on the secret) was thrilled and after we'd all shed a few happy tears (and had been to the Capilano Suspension bridge on the way back into the city) she took us for a celebratory meal at the spaghetti factory.
Strangely (and I only know this from the daisypath counter on this blog) the day we got engaged, we had been together exactly 3 years, 3 months, 3 weeks and 3 days! Completely unplanned, but quite cool!
A few days later we came across two huge engagement rings (I think it must be an art installation but I haven't actually looked it up!) in English Bay, and asked Angela to take our photo under them. This is going to be on our save the date cards.
Roll on December 2012!
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Saturday 17 December 2011
Introducing Milly
We would like to introduce a new member of our family - Milly!
No, we haven't had one of those "I didn't know I was pregnant" experiences, she's our adorable new puppy!
We're currently on holiday in Canada, but this is a photo of her before we left, helping Nicky with her packing.
She's 18 months old and is a labrador/staffie/whippet cross. She has great traits from all those breeds - very strong like a labrador, very people-oriented like a staffie so she loves her cuddles, and very fast like a whippet!
She loves the mirrored wardrobes in our bedroom and can't quite work out where all the extra dogs come from!
She's visited us a couple of times and stayed overnight before we left to go on holiday, and she's moving in permanently the day we come back. We can't wait, we love her already!
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No, we haven't had one of those "I didn't know I was pregnant" experiences, she's our adorable new puppy!
We're currently on holiday in Canada, but this is a photo of her before we left, helping Nicky with her packing.
She's 18 months old and is a labrador/staffie/whippet cross. She has great traits from all those breeds - very strong like a labrador, very people-oriented like a staffie so she loves her cuddles, and very fast like a whippet!
She loves the mirrored wardrobes in our bedroom and can't quite work out where all the extra dogs come from!
She's visited us a couple of times and stayed overnight before we left to go on holiday, and she's moving in permanently the day we come back. We can't wait, we love her already!
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Location:Vancouver,Canada
Sunday 4 December 2011
Change of plan
Thankfully we're not still waiting for my cycle to start as it still hasn't appeared (I have PCOS so this isn't that unusual), in fact we're not actually waiting at all at the moment. We decided in mid October that we were going to stop the process with the ACU and hold off for a while. It just wasn't feeling right for us as a couple to do the IVF route the way we'd planned it.
Nicky has always wanted to experience pregnancy, and whilst she isn't against adoption she knew that she wanted to give birth to our first child if possible. I've always known that I wanted to adopt, and would have been very happy not to have any birth children (although I am excited to see Nicky go through pregnancy and birth). We were talking about this and doing some research online at the same time, and somehow we came across the concept of embryo adoption. The more we looked into it, the more each of us felt that it might be the right way to go for us. We've made some initial enquiries, and although it's not covered by the NHS (it's actually not available in the UK at all as yet as far as we can tell) it seems affordable for us to go to a clinic in Spain, which is a bonus!
We know that we definitely want to get married before starting a family (apparently it's my job to buy the engagement ring and plan the big romantic proposal, so I'd better start saving!) and now that we're no longer under the restrictions of NHS waiting lists and treatment times, it definitely feels a lot easier. This time next year we could be married and expecting!
Nicky has always wanted to experience pregnancy, and whilst she isn't against adoption she knew that she wanted to give birth to our first child if possible. I've always known that I wanted to adopt, and would have been very happy not to have any birth children (although I am excited to see Nicky go through pregnancy and birth). We were talking about this and doing some research online at the same time, and somehow we came across the concept of embryo adoption. The more we looked into it, the more each of us felt that it might be the right way to go for us. We've made some initial enquiries, and although it's not covered by the NHS (it's actually not available in the UK at all as yet as far as we can tell) it seems affordable for us to go to a clinic in Spain, which is a bonus!
We know that we definitely want to get married before starting a family (apparently it's my job to buy the engagement ring and plan the big romantic proposal, so I'd better start saving!) and now that we're no longer under the restrictions of NHS waiting lists and treatment times, it definitely feels a lot easier. This time next year we could be married and expecting!
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