Reactions

I just wanted to do a post about the different reactions Nicky and I have had from our mothers.

Nicky's mum had possibly the worst reaction to Nicky coming out 3 years ago that you can imagine, without actually disowning her. She spent pretty much a full year emotionally blackmailing Nicky, telling her that she had "ruined her life" etc. which didn't make for a very happy time for any of us. She's Catholic and works in a small Catholic school where everyone knows everyone else's business. She was really worried that her co-workers would find out that she has a lesbian daughter. Now however, she is possibly more excited about our wedding than we are, she's told all her friends, she bought Nicky's dress, and this morning said to me, when a story about triplets came on the news "see, this is why you and Nicky should have IVF - you could have triplets!"

My mum on the other hand was very supportive when I came out ten years ago, has always been willing to talk about me being lesbian, met my ex and loves Nicky. She and my step-dad helped us to house hunt when we moved in August, rented a van and helped us move on the day, gave us some furniture, and even entrusted us with one of their dogs (Milly was theirs) which is a pretty long-term commitment for a couple. Now however, she has told us that she can't come to our wedding because she doesn't agree with it. She's Christian (so are we, but that's another story) but we're having a civil partnership ceremony, not a church wedding, so I don't know what the problem is. She hasn't mentioned it since we told her in December, and has only been to visit twice, when before we got engaged she used to visit weekly.

My gran has also told us that she's not coming. We're not sure about my mum's sisters and their families, but it could be that we have a wedding that is almost exclusively attended by friends not family on my side, apart from my Dad, step-mum, little brother and sisters.

It's not a generational or age thing - my mum is in her 40s and Nicky's mum is in her 50s. Nicky's taken it pretty personally as she thought she and my mum had a great relationship and apparently now she's not good enough just because she doesn't have a penis.

We don't know how to move forward from here - we don't want to lose them from our lives, but equally if they're not going to recognise our relationship, especially after we have kids, it will be a problem. We never ever want to be in the situation where we're out with the kids and get introduced as each other's "friend". They'll all get Save the Date cards and invitations, so we'll see what happens. Hopefully they'll have a change of heart and will see Nicky for the wonderful woman and partner that she is, and how much I love her, regardless of her gender.


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